Saturday, 7 May 2011

Halfway house...

I'm 5 days down with 5 more to go before my beta hcg blood test and I'm in a weird state of limbo. I haven't been blogging daily because there's nothing for me to say!  I feel fine. Great, in fact. I feel back to normal, as if I've not been through IVF at all (except perhaps for a little extra weight around my middle because of lack of exercise).

Which is weird, right? I'm so used to cycles that lead to nothing, whether natural or IUI, that it feels like I'm back there again.  Not in a particularly negative way, just in a 'well, that's done and out of the way - what's next?' kind of way.

I spent the first 3 days after transfer at home, taking it easy. I only went out to get my progesterone shots at the clinic or emergency room. Friends came over and I kept myself busy with TV, books and some of my planned time-filling projects. Unfortunately my Bloke had to be in Seoul for work so I was a bit lonely, but generally I've been doing fine. I don't feel any symptoms.. the progesterone seems to be slowing down my digestion, but I've found ways to deal with that. So I feel normal. As normal as it's possible to feel when you're a week away from immense joy or huge disappointment.

So, like this blog post, the whole experience is seriously underwhelming!  In some ways, I know this is good. I feel calmer than I have during my IUI cycle 2wws. I'm not symptom-spotting and am trying to stick to my mantra 'Nothing means anything'. This is not a depressing, fatalistic, pessimistic mantra.. it's what I've tried to live by when driving myself crazy during other 2wws and applies even more now. Basically, any 'symptoms' I do experience could be due to the meds I'm on and, in all probability, I wouldn't experience any symptoms at such an early stage, even with a positive result. So, no symptoms don't mean anything bad, anymore than a possibly imagined symptom means anything good. Does that make sense?  And I know there are women out there who do experience very early pregnancy signs and I would love to be one of them, but I'm not counting on it.

The week ahead is near-filled with fun things to do.. lunches, picnics and visits to friends. This will be the first time I've seen most people since announcing our move to Korea, so conversations should be filled with that topic. Hopefully, these will help me maintain some sense of calm and stop any potential obsessing in it's tracks. Hopefully.... ;)


  1. I am counting down with you. I have five day too. I am so nervous.

  2. Great that you're feeling calm... and nothing certainly can mean anything - plenty of women have no symptoms in the 2WW then get a BFP :)) Thinking of you every step of the way and keeping my FXd for you xoxo

  3. You are my hero! You are always so practical and calm...and yet still funny and awesome. I'm glad you have a busy schedule this next week. I think being alone and bored during the tww is THE WORST! You are doing great, and I can't wait to hear the outcome of your cycle. I'll be antsy and obnoxious for you. :)

  4. It may be a good thing that dh is away, as even though you might be a bit lonely you don't have anyone to endlessly analyse things with. Yes, you can obsess alone, but I find that repeatedly talking about situations with no solutions actually makes them more stressful.

    So, I take it you're not planning to POAS? Can you get early tests in China? I've only found 25mIU/L in Korea - my early tests are all ordered from the UK.

  5. I love how calm you are. Somehow I'm also a lot calmer during this current 2WW than the previous ones. Probably because I'm pretty sure it failed... Hope you'll get some great news in a few days!

  6. Great mantra. So true. Sounds like you're doing all the right things, making time for yourself and planning nice things to do involving other people to help pass the time :)